While training at Montecito School yesterday I was reminded of the power of pause. We discussed behavior strategies and how to build relationships. Throughout I emphasized that when we pause, even for 30 seconds, we can observe for information and gather ideas that help us to be more effective as teachers. I told them a story from my experience as an instructor at Pacific Oaks in the Reflective Teaching class.

I was observing a child who has autism. Their teacher, who was a student in my class, was concerned with how often the child hit and hurt other children. Normally for this class I did observations for 30 minutes and then shadowed and coached the teacher for 30 minutes with a meeting afterwards to debrief.

Within the first 15 minutes this four-year-old child hit 20 times. The teacher spoke with the child each time, trying to impart a message of how to change his behavior. I was done observing.

The next time the teacher spoke she said, “You can go the other way around the table. There is a child there.” She spoke quickly and turned back to the child she had been reading to. The child I had been observing looked confused and baffled, looking quickly to the teacher and then started to walk towards the child who was blocking one route around the table. I could see this would become another moment where the child would feel trapped, and they were likely to hit to get to their goal on the other side of the table.

I leaned closer to them and asked, “Did you hear your teacher?” Startled, they looked at my face as if they were just realizing that I weas there. I repeated my question, paused, saw them look to the teacher. Then I said, “There is someone right there.” I pointed to the other child and waited a moment for them to follow my prompt with their eyes.

They began to look a little distressed. Then with a little excitement in my voice I said, “There is no one over there!” I pointed to the other side of the table. “You could go that way!” The child smiled a small, relieved smile and walked the other way around the table.

I continued repeating the teacher’s prompts to the child, slowing down, pausing, and waiting to make sure the child understood. After 45 minutes the child had hit only once when I went to the bathroom.

As the end of open play time and my observation were coming, this child had discovered the masking tape and was placing pieces on a puppet. He would pull off a small piece, pull it down to cut the tape off with the dispenser’s cutter and then place it on the puppet in his lap. Other children had joined them and were doing similar things with puppets and tape, all absorbed in their parallel play. A little smile was on the child’s face. They were totally unaware of anything but their puppet and tape.

The teacher announced, “It’s time to clean up! Throw your tape in the trash.” The child looked at their puppet covered in overlapping colors of masking tape and their eyes became very wide. They looked to the puppet and looked quickly at me, grasping their puppet to their chest.

I nodded slowly, “You heard the teacher. She said it was time to clean up.” My voice sounded sad, mirroring his emotions. “You could throw the tape in the trash…” I changed my voice to express that I didn’t like that idea either. “Or…” Then I smiled and gave a silly look. “You COULD put the tape right here on my knee!” The child’s eyes crinkled. They looked to the tape, pulled it off from the puppet and slapped the stack of multi-color tape onto my knee. We laughed together and then the child turned to the puppet stand and put their puppet on the stand as they turned to follow the teacher out of the classroom.

The teacher and I sat for a while as we debriefed talking about the power of pausing, watching and observing children to connect with their interests, ideas and personality. We discussed ways she could add this aspect of reflective practice into her teaching.

I drove home with that tape on my knee, a two-hour drive. I would reach down to touch the tape, smiling, remembering the grin on that child’s face when they slapped it on. I keep the tape on my desk as a reminder to pause, to really see children.

What I did was not magic, it is something we can all do as parents and as teachers. We can pause and remember that the child should lead the dance of learning. When we connect with them in this way, they discover their ability to work within the world they live in.

Still not convinced this is important? A month later the teacher made a binder for the child with photos of the important people in the child’s life. As the two of them flipped through the pages to the end of the binder, talking about the people who loved this child, the child looked up at the teacher and asked, “Where’s Mary?”

I didn’t do anything special that any adult cannot do for a child. What I did was pause and really see them, follow their lead and provide information in a way they could hear it. We don’t need stickers and punishments. We need love, curiosity and patience. Pause, see the individual child in front of you. If you need a reminder put some colored masking tape on your knee.

~Mary Ashley Latta

6/18/2024